


Owen, Claire and the Land Mosasaurus

by CJCroen1393



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Everybody Lives, Gen, Pure Crack, based on a spongebob episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4375892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious creature is eating everything on Isla Nublar! Is Owen up to the task of getting it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Owen, Claire and the Land Mosasaurus

**Author's Note:**

> This popped into my head last night, and I just HAD to write it!

Claire Dearing had had a hard day's work at Jurassic World and really needed to get some sleep. After finally washing up and changing into her pajamas and sleep mask (because Claire's totally someone who would wear a sleep mask!), she flopped into bed and fell asleep instantly.

But then, strange noises happened around her, and she heard Rexy roaring in the giant doggy bed in the corner of the room.

"Rexy," said Claire, annoyed, "I'm trying to...sleep?"

She stared to see what was left of her bedroom completely destroyed, and Rexy, the most powerful and feared land animal in the park was cowering in the corner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I saw it!" shouted Claire as she and several staff members and tourists met up at the park's Main Street, "It was big, it was all wiggly and it ate EVERYTHING!"

"That's horrible!" shouted Dennis Nedry, who promptly wolfed down the 400 pounds of meat he bought from Winston's Steakhouse.

"It was an Isla Sorna Land Mosasaurus!" shouted Claire.

"It ate my wheelbarrow!" shouted Dr. Ellie Sattler.

"It ate my children's homework!" shouted Karen Mitchell (Zach and Gray just winked and gave the readers a thumbs up).

"Do I need to say it?" said Zara Young, pointing to a huge bite taken out of her midsection.

"Whose idea was it to make a LAND MOSASAURUS in the first place!?" asked Dr. Alan Grant. Upon hearing this, Dr. Henry Wu whistled innocently and left.

"How should we protect ourselves?" asked a tourist.

"I GOT IT!" shouted John Hammond, "Let's all go to the old park!"

His suggestion was met with a chorus of "boo"s and garbage being thrown at him.

"We should lock our doors!" said Billy Brennan.

"We should call my nephew!" said Sarah Harding.

"We should dig a moat!" said Gray Mitchell.

"We should, uh, take Jurassic World, uh, and, um, uh, push it somewhere, uh, else." said Dr. Ian Malcolm.

Everyone just stared at Malcolm in awkward silence until Lowery Cruthers said...

"That idea might just be crazy enough...TO GET US ALL KILLED!"

"Let's get someone to go after it!" shouted Vivian Krill.

"There's no one stupid or crazy enough to go after a Land Mosasaurus!" shouted Simon Masrani.

"I'll catch your Mosasaurus for you." said a voice. Everyone turned to see Owen Grady sitting at a table outside the "Ben & Jerry's", petting his blue raptor's head and wearing a big cowboy hat for some reason. "That is, if you're willing to pay!"

"NO!" shouted a voice in the crowd. Everyone turned to see Donald Gennaro glaring at them and hugging a suitcase. "You'll never get a cent outta me! NEVER! I'D RATHER THAT LIZARD COME HERE RIGHT NOW AND EAT YOU ALL ALIIIIIIIVVVE!!!!!" He frothed at the mouth and hyperventilated.

He then sighed and said "Sorry about that."

Owen chuckled and said "I don't want your money, I'm just being dramatic. But I'm definitely going after the Land Mosasaurus, because this is personal. She got all my raptors except Blue! She must've taken them when my back was turned, the coward!"

Everyone was horrified.

"I'm gonna catch that lizard and turn her into size-six boots!"

"YEAH!" said most of the crowd. But Claire was horrified.

"Owen, no!" she said, "You don't know what you're dealing with! We're talking about an Isla Sorna Land Mosasaurus!"

"Well I don't know anything about Isla Sorna," said Owen, "But lookie here!" 

He showed her some photographs.

"Back in the Navy I hunted land animals and I hunted Mosasauruses. As far as I'm concerned, doin' 'em both together just saves a lot of time and energy! Let's go Blue! We got a lizard to catch!"

He and Blue left. Claire ran after them.

"Go get her, Owen!" shouted Hammond, "We've got the utmost confidence in you!"

Once Owen and Claire were out of earshot, Hammond turned to Malcolm.

"Now what was that idea of yours?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"PUSH!" shouted Malcolm as everyone started pushing Jurassic World somewhere else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"OWEN!" called out Claire.

"Hey Claire," said Owen, "Comin' to watch?"

"Owen, you are making a big mistake! If you go after that monster you'll die!"

"You're exaggerating, Claire."

"Owen, I saw it! It's big, scary and BLUE!"

"Well, so is Blue, but I'm not afraid of her either!"

"You'll be massacred!" shouted Claire.

Owen shook his head.

"Claire, I'm tough enough to get this thing. Besides, she's got our raptors! And as their mother, you can't take that sitting down any more than I can!"

"Okay," admitted Claire, "But what if the Land Mosasaurus DIDN'T take our raptors?"

"If she doesn't have our raptors, who does?"

"...I do?"

"Where?"

"In my pocket."

"Well why didn't you say so?" chuckled Owen, "Give 'em here!"

Claire reluctantly pulled out the contents of her pocket.

"Claire, that's a paperclip and a piece of string."

"No it isn't, this is our daughters."

"Claire!"

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!? THEY'RE ALWAYS BEHIND YOU!" shouted Claire before grabbing Owen by the collar, "OWEN, PLEASE DON'T GO! IT WILL TEAR YOU APART AND EAT YOU!"

"Claire, get a grip! I'm going after the Land Mosasaurus and there's nothing you can say to stop me! Come Blue!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Claire, "Well what if I said 'Archaeornithomimus'!?"

Owen and Blue paused.

"Well, I gotta admit that's slowing me down," said Owen, "But I'm still going for it!"

"You know, raptors are so overrated! Let's just go home!" said Claire.

Owen wasn't deterred.

"I've got dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!" said Claire.

Owen was still not deterred.

Claire suddenly jumped in front of him, holding a flare with Rexy standing next to her.

"Owen," she said, "If you want to go after that Land Mosasaurus, you'll have to go through us!"

Owen and Blue walked through them like a hologram.

"OWEN NO!" shouted Claire, clinging to Owen's ankles and forgetting all of her usual dignity out of concern for her friend, "I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU AND BLUE GET KILLED! IF YOU FIND HER YOU'LL GET EATEN FOR SURE!"

"There's no way some dumb lizard is gonna make a meal of us." Owen said, "We're too tough!"

But as he tried to leave, Claire was still clinging to him.

"NOT TOUGH ENOUGH! YOU'RE NOT TOUGH ENOUGH!"

"Claire, please!" said Owen, indignantly, "I was in the navy! What you think is big and I think is big are two completely different bigs!"

"But Owen--"

"Claire, I'll be fine! After all, who trains Velociraptors for a living?"

"You do." said Claire.

"And who has the best shot on Isla Nublar?"

"You do."

"And who's played by Chris Pratt?"

Claire rolled her eyes.

"You are."

"Right, so there's nothing too big or too mean for me to catch!"

"Fine."

"I want you to say it!"

"There isn't anything--"

"AIN'T NOTHIN'!"

"Ain't nothin' too big or too mean for you to catch. But--"

"No."

"But--"

"No."

The two of them went on for hours before Blue let out a loud screech. Owen walked up to what she was looking at.

"Lizard sign!" he said, pointing to a tiny little sign that said "Lizard!" on it, "She's in that cave."

"Owen, are you su--"

"Of course I am! Blue and I are going in and we ain't comin' out until we've got a nice heaping plate of land sea lizard stew!"

Claire sighed and sat next to Rexy. "This won't end well." she said as Rexy nodded in agreement.

"Aha! There you are you raptor stealing beast!" Owen shouted as he started to beat up the Land Mosasaurus, "I got her, Claire!"

"Owen, that's--"

"We're gonna get her, Claire!"

"Owen, that's not--"

"We're almost done, Claire!"

"OWEN, THAT'S NOT THE--"

"WOOHOO!" Owen was riding the Land Mosasaurus excitedly and cheering and whooping. He then tied her in a knot and smiled.

"Well, she put up quite a fight Claire! But she was no match for me! I even got the other raptors back!"

Echo, Charlie and Delta emerged, nuzzling their sister and their father.

"That's not the Mosasaur."

"Pardon?"

"That's not the Mosasaur. It's her tongue."

Owen looked up and saw the Land Mosasaurus' cavernous mouth over a tongue that was likely meant to act as a prey item lure like that of a snapping turtle. Owen stared for a moment.

"Oh. This is the tongue and the whole thing is the Mosasaur." Everyone stared and Owen shouted "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Owen and the girls all started running from the Land Mosasaurus as she roared and slithered after them.

The Grady-Dearing family ran over a hill, which the Land Mosasaurus crashed through. They ran past a car, which the Land Mosasaurus crushed. They ran passed Zara (whose midsection was fixed) and the Land Mosasaurus...well...

"Not again!" said Zara, looking at the giant new bite in her side.

"Owen?" asked Claire.

"Yeah, Claire?"

"What do we do now!?"

"RUN FASTER!"

"I could of thought of that!" said Claire, before realization hit her, "Wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?

"Not now, Claire!" said Owen, embarrassed.

"She _is_ too big for you, isn't she?"

"Can we talk about this later!?"

"I want you to say it!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"SAY IT OR I'LL TRIP YOU!"

"ALRIGHT! YOU WERE RIGHT! I WAS WRONG! I WAS WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!"

"I knew it!" said Claire, but she didn't have time to gloat as the Land Mosasaurus was still chasing after them.

"What do we do now!?" asked Claire.

Owen looked at the trees ahead of them. He had an idea.

"Claire, you still have that paperclip and that string?"

"Yeah, what do you wanna do with it? Make it a necklace to identify our bodies with?"

"No," said Owen, "I'm gonna lasso those trees!"

And that he did. He then grabbed Claire and the two of them swung up onto the lizard's back (the raptors and Rexy were already ahead of them). They rode the lizard to what they thought was safety.

"We'll be nice and safe up here!" said Owen.

"Is that Rexy and the raptors?" asked Claire, pointing ahead.

Then they found that the Land Mosasaurus was about to fall off a cliff. Rexy and the raptors were trying to usher them off. They both screamed and desperately ran to the tip of its tail, at which point they made it to the ledge, where the raptors and Rexy were waiting for them.

"She'll never get outta there!" said Owen.

"We saved the park!" said Claire.

"Let's go tell everyone!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"PUSH!" shouted Ian Malcolm, as everyone pushed the park somewhere else, "PUSH!"

"YAAAAAY!" everyone cheered.

Suddenly, the Land Mosasaurus fell on top of the park, destroying it.

"MY PARK!" cried Hammond and Masrani.

"Well now what do we do, Mr. Know-It-All?" asked Grant.

"I'll uh, find a way."

The End.


End file.
